Letter to Schick

Letter to Schick Corporation:

A few weeks ago, I took a pair of scissors into the shower and trimmed my pubes a.k.a. took-a-pair-of-scissors-on-a-little-work-trip-to-the-land-down-under.

Thinking back and considering the adverse conditions—the steam, mist, the slippery tub, my bad vision, and the sensitive nature of the work site--I can’t help but wonder what the phuck was I thinking. At the time, however, I guess that I was too focused to notice. I concentrated on the task at hand and blocked everything else out. Each snip was immediately gratifying but the feeling soon left and I would feel “un-sh-yat-tees-fied” in KGB’s voice from Rounders.

Fast forward a few days and the feeling was a distant memory. I had discovered that Schick Intuition is the most amazing pubic-area shaving device ever invented. It feels like you’re fake shaving. It has a self-lathering feature with aloe! and Vitamin E!, so that it doesn’t even feel like you’re shaving. Using it was like taking a floating lawnmower made of white mink fur to one’s curlies.

If the Statue of Liberty held it up, it would be a beacon for modernity. If someone told me that it worked through the power of gentle microwaves, just strong enough to blow the seed puff off of a dandelion, I would not be the least bit surprised.

My name is Corey Ahn. I am a man. And I use Schick Intuition.